My News Years Resolutions (OK… so I am a month late)

1) Stop procrastinating.
2) Start Smoking.
3) Gain 50 pounds.
4) Start Drinking … only the good stuff….. 80 proof or better.
5) Start running……. from my Lazy Boy to the Fridge.
6) Start chewing snuff (I have known people who can actually have a wad in their mouth and eat their meal. I put a little in my mouth once and it gave me hallucinations…HHHmmmm, I am going to have to rethink this one.
7) Stop knewing thine self, by thine self (Break out the KJV to discern this)…..HHmmmm this is a reoccurring resolution since about age 14.
8) Start rearing my children via the advice of Ezzo, Tripp and Pearl. Hey, at least they will be so terrified of me they will listen to my every word. Hmmm should I use a strap, glue sticks, belt, or “the rod”. Where’s an Old Testament when you need one?
9) Hold a Bill Gothard book burning…..only his books.
10) Wear pajamas that will totally defraud my wife, so she will discern that I am horny and want some. Warning!!! This may lead to lasciviousness behaviors.

{{{Candleman98}}}